Happy Birthday to My Little Sister

16 Jul

I’ve had this post/message floating around in my head since July 6th, Farah’s birthday. Some of you know about her, some don’t. She was my little sister after Samuel. Farah had trisomy 13, and died almost exactly one hour after she was born. Fair warning, I cried while writing this, so no guarantees you won’t cry as well.

Dear Farah Joy,

My little JoyJoy, I can’t believe you would already be four years old this month! Time has flown by so fast, but we still have that gap in the kids – the missing spot where you would fit so perfectly.

I still remember the times I got to feel your sweet little feet kicking, as you practiced karate in mom’s belly. 🙂 Those moments when you were so full of life, for those, oh so short, nine months.

I still remember when mom left to go to the hospital, but we still hoped you would be able to stay here on earth with us, even for just a few years.

I still remember driving to the hospital at 11pm, with Nana and Alyssa, rushing to try and see you for just a few moments before you left us. Honestly, I was heartbroken that I never got to look into your sweet little eyes, but I was still thankful to hold you as your heart continued to beat, ever more slowly.

I still remember the moment the nurse said your heart had stopped beating, and it felt like mine stopped too.

I still remember looking at you in that small white box, just laying there. I put a tiny pink and green friendship bracelet on you, and kept a matching piece, just so I would still have a connection to you.

I still remember the blur of people going by, hugs and handshakes, trying to show their love and support, while I tried to hold back my tears.

I still remember crying as we sang over your little coffin, saying goodnight, and goodbye….. those used to be our three bedtime songs, but now I can’t sing that set without choking up, and getting tears in my eyes again.

And I still remember all the JOY God has brought through your short life. Even now, four years later, people are still being blessed, and God is being glorified. There’s a pretty little fountain down in Peru that has your name on a plaque, recognizing that God used you to bless all of them there.

I love you Farah Joy, and I can’t wait to see you again, and look into those beautiful eyes for the very first time.

~thisbigsister

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4 Responses to “Happy Birthday to My Little Sister”

  1. Leah E. Good July 16, 2014 at 4:00 pm #

    What a sweet, heartbreaking letter. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Joy Dye July 17, 2014 at 1:59 am #

    Yep. I cried.

  3. Linda (Nana) July 17, 2014 at 10:46 am #

    That was so sweet, Emily. I was reliving it all with you as I read your letter to the little sister you never got to know.

  4. Emily July 26, 2014 at 5:27 pm #

    Oh my…. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Emily. What a heartbreaking thing it must be to lose a little sister, especially in that way (though I’m sure all ways of losing must be excruciatingly hard). Praying for you and your family as you all continue on this journey of adoption. I’m so excited for you all! -another Emily 😉

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